#Affordable Chairs This Year
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one thing no one tells u about being a wheelchair user is that if you’re anything like me you will probably need like 3 wheelchairs. and yes that means triple the expense, triple the storage, triple the hassle. my best chair is my powerchair, and in my ideal world i’d take it everywhere but it can’t manage slopes steeper than 7 degrees, or rainy weather, or kerbs. so on rainy days or at places with sloped driveways, i have to take my manual wheelchair instead, which is annoying because someone else has to push me, but hey, at least it can tolerate rain and slopes. HOWEVER! the manual chair can’t manage nature. so if i go anywhere that has grass or dirt paths, i have to bring my outdoor manual chair, which is much tougher - but! the outdoor chair is bulky and can’t fit through a lot of doorways.
i only leave my room for a couple of hours a week and yet i still need 3 wheelchairs to cover all variables. this is wild to me. why isn’t there a chair that just works. maybe ive got my head in the clouds
other variables - you can get tougher powerchairs which can do outdoor terrain, BUT, those types of chairs are never foldable and they often weigh over 100lbs. my powerchair needs to be foldable and VERY light (under 50lbs) because it has to be possible for my carer to lift it into our car by hand bc we don’t own an accessible van - yet another variable. unless your chair is foldable and liftable, you will need a modified vehicle. you can’t have a strong chair and a normal car. it never ends bro
#Is anyone else. driven bananas by this#ALSO! i am lucky that i’ve been able to afford 3 chairs over the years. plenty of people can barely afford 1#and that 1 chair that they can afford will probably not meet all their practical needs#even if it suits their disability there are other areas of life it may not suit#txt#ok to rb#disability#disability awareness#wheelchairs
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yknow it is crazy to think about how much i have been able to improve my quality of life by selling art as a supplementary form of income. like obviously it's a second job and it's taxing but it's also so rewarding to know how much people enjoy my work and how much good it is doing me to like, feel like i can buy snacks at the store. to be able to get takeout every once in a while. like obviously those are extremely minor changes or things most people take for granted but to me it's huge. having berries in the house when they're out of season and more expensive. buying things for CONVENIENCE??! it feels so crazy to me to have such a sense of luxury which i know says more about the bleak feeling of poverty that's followed me around my entire adult life than anything else but i feel so much gratitude that i am afforded these small luxuries at least in part because of people that like my art. not to mention how nice is is to make things consistently again when, prior to 2020, i hadn't made art regularly in almost a decade. anyway. it's cool!
#of course there are extenuating circumstances! i finished my student loans in 2020 with help from family#i moved to a cheaper place in 2020. i get paid more now than i did then; even though i'm only working four days a week#obviously i am not RICH; i cannot afford to live by myself. housing here is crazy. but i can buy MEAT at the STORE#not only do i have SNACKS in the house i also have MULTIPLE KINDS! do you know how crazy that is.#and now of course a lot of it is combatting my wicked sense of guilt for buying anything i dont 'need'. like snacks.#but obviously i still buy them i just make myself feel bad about it for a while first. lmao#i mean i haven't done my taxes for 2023 yet who knows maybe i'll be hit with some big fees and i'll take this all back#but idk you gotta be grateful. anyway i think i'm gonna order pizza later#chatpost#i used patreon money to buy a new desk chair a couple years ago. a NEW one!! not one from the street!
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okay im actually a little emotionally attached to mochis shop being a little cat bookstore now
#so warm......#it invokes the feeling that its been there for 20 years#also seems like the kind of place a witch would run#theres a bunch of plants and cats and warm lighting#im trying to think if the cat witch was a cool side character how would i design her#since a lot of my side characters are cool as hell like murda and lady magg-lynn#it gives off the cozy vibes of broosters cafe#one(1) seating/reading area that consists of a little table and some chairs around it#that usually is taken up by coco/lime/oscar/taffy playing board games or something#some random girl with a crush on lime: heyy is it okay if i sit here and read for a bit?#lime: actually we dont allow reading the books in the store until after youve purchased them. im sure you understand#hes so indifferent and it works against him cuz a lot of girls are like (wow so cool....i want him more now...)#a tiny bookstore on the outter reaches of the downtown area. like before there is a house essentially attatched to the back where they live#oscar somehow affording a house with a storefront in the downtown area#( how did you afford this...)#(i work.)#mochi compensates him appropriately for letting her hijack his store#he doesnt mind though. he wasnt sure what kind of shop to run anyway#plus with magic mochi around he doesnt need to worry about utility bills or furniture or anything ever again so its a fair trade off#(rumor has it that shop has books on anything you could imagine)#someone walks in asking about 8th century pottery techniques from the eastern regions of the kingdom#(let me check the back!) she says and is back with the exact book 5 minutes later
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I got an email from my grandpa today and all the draft responses I’ve been working on in my head sound like an 18th century letter that’s going to have to travel for months to reach him.
pandemic year 5 really has me feeling like me and a very small handful of people I know are living on an entirely different plane of existence than everyone else
#like I haven’t seen him in over a year. I’ve seen him 3 times since 2020#so I guess on the isolation and slow communication front it’s pretty similar#he used my chosen name. I haven’t changed my email yet but he used my chosen name#I don’t even care at this point if he never gets my pronouns right#I thought I’d never be able to tell him. I didn’t want to find out his politics were more important#he’s quiet and kind and he gives people expensive gifts any time he can afford it but he constantly forgets people’s allergies#so he might get you something you can’t have but whoever you pass it along to will love it#he cries at weddings and during church services and sometimes random holidays#he passes out in his rocking chair at every family function#he’s the unofficial photographer of every gathering ever since my great grandfather stopped being able to walk as much as the job requires#and he voted for trump in 2016 and has afaik an active nra membership#he once complimented my outfit by telling me he’d call me a stud if I was a guy#which like. ok. I have some notes#but uh. thanks?#idk I’m just. it sucks being so far away from everyone and everything because the rest of the world is ignoring an ongoing pandemic#I’m missing so much of my life and others lives and even parts of my own transition#I can make steps to reach out but it only goes so far if poeple#are unwilling to mask or vaccinate or even just ask what needs to happen to make it safe#so I don’t. idk. kill my partner#or become even more disabled than I currently am#my family’s been making steps and they’re taking me seriously but it’s all so slow and I’m still sore from bracing for rejection#I’ve been bracing for rejection for so so long it’s terrifying to reach out. about anything#this is not condusive to a healthy relationship lol#not sure what to do other than bonk myself on the head and say ‘get better’ tho#*bonk* ‘try again’#one step at a time ig#ahshitherewegoagain.jpg#.txt
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I did not have to up contrast to make sure the stains were visible to the camera, they are that obvious. None of the "new" chairs are without stains.
God this school is so fucking broke
#Honestly I appreciate a lot#it refuses to raise tuition and is the cheap for both that and area#about 50% of students receive pell grants here so it tries to stay affordable#and does that in any way including accepting shitty chairs#So I say it has money and joke about it but its one of the most affordable four year colleges where I am#and appreciate the focus on making education as affordable as possible instead of fancy as possible
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my partner and I finally have a day off work together and we're getting our apartment cleaned and organized for the first time since we've moved in and it's really nice to finally be able to decorate it how we want and to get settled in
#less nice that then only furniture we can afford to own is 4 folding chairs and a beat up old gaming chair#but thats okay. we will eventually be able to afford a couch and maybe a secondary tv for the living room#but yeah#its just nice to be able to exist somewhere i actually feel safe and comfortable for the first time in my life tbh#took 24 years but i finally got here <3#also by decorate it how we want I mean I finally get to hang up my JJBA yaoi art prints i bought on Etsy like 4 years ago lmao
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#the week before last my mom and i decided to spend more time in nature since we've been cooped up inside since like 2020#we decided to enjoy our garden again#(mostly cause we can't afford to turn on the AC because of bills going up but it was still a nice change in routine)#we cleaned up the patio table and got our folding chairs from storage (things we hadn't properly used in years)#i got an old unused notebook out to write outside and just have a nice chill time#we were combating mosquitoes but it was fine and my dog was really happy to just chill with us on the grass#it was perfect and lovely#...#that lasted exactly 3 days#last tuesday night some fucking asshole jumped my neighbors wall (or our gate idk) and stole our two old ass folding chairs#and wednesday night he came back to get the table he forgot (a table so fucking heavy idk how he managed to get it up the wall/gate)#and as you can imagine... if we can't afford to turn on the ac because the electricity bill is already impossible to pay...#it was a real fucking effort to buy another table#but i fucking REFUSE to go back inside like a fucking puppy with my tail between my legs#we can barely make it to the end of the month#buying something silly like icecream or an extra sweet has us revaluating the entire month's expenses#and we can't even own fucking furniture that we've owned for like 15 years#i'm so fucking tired!#i want to either die or leave this place and honestly dying is more achievable#anyways i just spent almost half the money i had on my bank account#but i bought a small folding table which i will fold up and bring inside every fucking night because not even a gate can keep you safe#i will fucking sit outside and enjoy fucking nature so help me god!#(if the rats/lizards let me lol)#see why i'm so fucking tired all the time?! when you're not dealing with pests you're dealing with human pests#i do thank god and all angels above they didn't try to break in and kill us in the process but my fucking garden furniture!!!#that was too long cause i'm still pissed#and tomorrow is grocery shopping day so i'm depressed again#angel talks#personal
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Still a work in progress; need to add book shelves, more stands/tables for the plants, and the wall art is just the chalk sketch before it gets finalized in gold, but I'm loving how my reading/plant room is coming along :))
#im especially pleased with my fix for not being able to afford the antique chaise lounge of my dreams#via shoving a thrifted long ottoman up against a chair ive had for years and throwing blankets and pillows on it#hey also im so pleasantly surprised at the symmetry i pulled off above the window with the sketch!!!! im so bad at line work and symmetry
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just want to say that the salary range of one of the jobs I applied to today was $118-140K, which is such a laughably stupid and unfathomable amount of money that I just shut it out of my brain until I was pondering idly just now
my salary right now is $54K. my only-touch-this-money-for-research-costs stipend is another $15K (so yeah I have access to $69K per year, nice). i can't IMAGINE making basically my entire two year postdoc of pay... in a year.
like I know you get paid better out of academia but holy fuck it has NOT been sinking in
#this is like BUY A HOUSE money#and BUY A NICE NAP-ON-ABLE COUCH money#and BUY THE CHAIR THAT COSTS A MONTH'S RENT RIGHT NOW money#and MOVE TO DENVER WITHOUT NEEDING RELOCATION COSTS BECAUSE THE JOB IS REMOTE money#is this how people like. afford children???#also my god the realization i had just now that before taxes i make $26/hr is also laughable#this does feel like the appropriate minimum wage.#i live comfortably! except when i was having to pay an extra 1000-1500/mo to visit my mom!#or when it comes to having to buy my own healthcare and trying to find a therapist!#it also makes me feel better about going 'six hours? yeah that seems like a good enough work day'#anyway i'm going to go to bed. tomorrow i have no participants coming in. damn them.#but it also means that maybe i'll roll in with my now monday-ly jimmy johns for lunch??#i'll see how i feel.#it also means i'm only moderately fucked by staying up this late#sorry @ cousin asking 'do what you love or get a fat salary'#having been incredibly underpaid the last 10 years i can confirm that a fat salary >>> doing what you love#becuase here's the thing i can do what i love when i'm NOT earning a fat salary#and having a fat salary and benefits means i'm more likely to actually be able to do what i love
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Re: the being immunocompromised and nearly dying of agony from shingles all over me at sixteen thing. I used to say that was the worst pain I've ever felt in my chronically ill life, worsened by the fact that weenie me refused morphine because I was fully indoctrinated by D.A.R.E. and terrified that I would become an addict as I lay in the hospital bed writhing in agony as I was damn-near actively dying. Even breaking my toes a few years later just warranted a mild "Fuck." in comparison.
Anyway I recently experienced three infected teeth (two wisdoms that apparently just grew in already rotted? and one cavity that got out of hand because I kept forgetting to call my dentist and couldn't afford it anyway) within a two year span and let me say that that knocked the nearly dying in agony thing right out of the park
#it had literally been a decade by that point since I ever cried in pain#the last time before that being when I had my first bowel obstruction that coincided with a migraine#I miss my tooth#not the wisdoms to hell with them. but I couldn't afford a root canal for the third tooth so it had to come out#the kicker is that as of a month ago Maryland Medicaid covers dental. again.#it used to cover dental even before that but they cancelled the coverage the year I moved to Maryland#I'm glad they are covering dental again and I have an appointment in May but I wish it had come a year earlier#because my options were between a two hundred dollar extraction or a thousand dollar root canal#teeth are a luxury in the U.S.#also when I had my wisdoms removed I went to a dental surgeon and had laughing gas#but when I had the third tooth removed I couldn't afford that again and went to my regular dentist and didn't even have valium for it#I was SHAKING in the chair trying not to freak out or faint#it was longer than it should have been too because the tooth shattered in the process and he had to dig out the roots and let me tell you#not. fun.#at least for two hundred dollars I got novocaine. If I had gone to the dental school for free they wouldn't have even given me that#cannot don't want to imagine that pain#I wish I could have kept my wisdom teeth like my roommate did when he had one years before#but the dental surgeon refused to give them to me because of pandemic protocols. I never even got to look at them#laughing gas is better than valium I think. both are great tho#I wasn't out of control loopy on laughing gas but when they were stitching up my gums I thought 'huh. hell of a time to floss my teeth'#teeth#toothache#Thou hell o' a' diseases
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was looking up something about my old high school and unearthed yet another horror story
#at some point in time they decided their new motto was ~ dignity in diversity ~#as if they ever bothered to afford their pupils any dignity and haven't made the national news TWICE in#the past few years because of racism in the classroom#this is off the top of my head btw there's definitely more#i'm pretty easy going and good at letting things go these days but everytime i have to read something about this school#it's like i've been hit in the face with a chair in pure rage#this is the school that tried to enforce underwear checks#dignity my fucking ass#diary
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It's sort of a mystery how animals in general are able to detect things like this. There are theories though.
#dogs#service dogs#i was at an indoor event and a woman was was walking through with her service dog. the dog insisted on approaching me#which then lead to the woman asking if i have epilepsy. i confirmed yes i'm epileptic and she said her dog is telling us i'm#about to have a seizure. most of my seizures provide no outward signs. during an EEG a few years ago thr machine showed i was#having a massive seizure but again no outward signs. in fact when the dr started talking to me i was chatty conversational and#had zero confusion or disorientation. the dog sat next to me while whining and and looking at me and then his human#to calm him down i sat in a nearby chair and chilled out until the dog was satisfied. i had a seizure but again no outward signs aside#from suddenly feeling weak and kinda off which is from my being hypoglycemic. seizures burn through my glucose and require#i boost it up quickky or recovery will take much longer and include a migraine. so a nearby vendor rushed over with a bottle of#apple juice. after about 15 minutes i was able to walk again and simply felt like a bag of wet noodles for thr next couple#of hours. the dog's human told me her dog is trained for epilepsy and i should consider getting one for myself.#except they cost waaaaay more than i can afford. service dogs save their human's life and the life of strangers. fucking amazing.
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college is so crazy. why are they not offering a prerequisite class that i absolutely absolutely need to take RIGHT NOW this term. how is it possible that i have to stay at this school literally a whole YEAR later than my plan because this class is not offered this term. i’m gonna kill somebody
#i’m going to ask the department chair about it so hopefully it’s fine! but i’m about to panic!#i can’t afford to go here for two years there’s no way i can afford three years#GRRRR
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Nothing like ending up at urgent care because one of my ovarian cysts decides to burst while I was at work.
Explains why I've felt like shit the past few days.
Not the optimal choice for getting to leave my shift earlier though.
Everything huuurrrttsss.
#personal#hasnt happened in a few years and im just#nothing like wanting to scream throw up and cry while not being able to breathe in proper because it feels like a red hot knife stabbed me#scared the shit outta my coworkers who found me curled up in the chair in our leader office#nothing like trying to calm them down while in excruciating pain like thnk ypu for concern but please stop yelling that i need an ambulance#used an ice pack to numb my side out before driving myself to the care center becaus i sure as hell cant afford an ambulance ride or the er#even with the good insurance we have at my job it is still crazy expensive#been laying on couch since i got home and took meds per instructions and just trying not to move much#uggggh
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omg i found a tutorial i did, in the abt me page, on my colin firth blog (when i was 21, i am 24 now) and now i am super happy omg, thank you ester from the past, for laying out every detail of how i made gifs.
#YAY#i feel so OLD#now i have everything i dreamed of when i was super active on tumblr when i was 11 years old#i have a great pc#a good chair#fast wifi#and i can afford paying for adobe#literally nirvana#but now no one cares abt gifs and no one reblogs#gif maker#my drama
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